A Ray Pierced the Coffin by Omaima Abdelaziz: When a Woman Learns She Can Climb Alone

By writer Omaima Abdelaziz

From the short story collection Outside the Bounds of Time

Sometimes, we do not lose ourselves all at once. We give ourselves away little by little.

We remain silent so we do not upset the person we love. We step back to give them more space. We convince ourselves that their success is our success, until one day we look around and discover that almost nothing remains of the life that was once ours.

But what happens when that person suddenly leaves, and we find ourselves alone before a life we no longer know how to live?

In “A Ray Pierced the Coffin,” writer Omaima Abdelaziz introduces us to Maha, a woman who spent ten years making her husband the centre of her world, surrendering her independence, relationships and confidence along the way. When that world suddenly collapses, she is forced to face a path that initially seems even more frightening than the loss itself: starting again.

It is a story about falling, but at its heart it is also about the moment a woman discovers that she no longer has to be the steps someone else climbs to reach the top. She can climb them herself.

This is our second journey into Omaima Abdelaziz’s short story collection, Outside the Bounds of Time.

A Ray Pierced the Coffin

The steps of the staircase will not stay steady beneath my feet. I grip the railing tightly... my breaths come in rapid succession. I try to catch up with him, but does he even care if I do?!

He left everything behind. He gets angry often, but this time, he did not forgive me...

Maha lost control of her senses. Her foot could no longer feel anything. She kept pressing the accelerator. The car overturned, and she lost consciousness:

“Amer... Amer... why are you running away from me? What did I do to deserve all this! How can I change who I am! You are asking for the impossible.

Please, do not leave me like this... Amer... Amer... do not push me. I am standing at the edge of the abyss. Leave me. What are you doing! I will fall.”

“Wake up, ma’am. Don’t be afraid, you are safe. The danger has passed...”

“Oh, my head... What happened? Where am I? Who are you?”

“You are in the hospital following a car accident. Your vehicle overturned and struck a tree... Please try to remain as calm as possible. You suffered a concussion.”

Three days had passed since the accident. Surely I would no longer be able to catch up with him. It was over... He had left for Moscow. It was time for silence, after words had lost their meaning...

It was the third day since his departure, and I was still alive. For ten years, I had not made a single decision. Life, to me, had become nothing but Amer, his desires and achievements, what he loved and what he hated. I had exhausted myself so that he could stand at the top of the mountain, only for him to throw me into the abyss.

I felt frozen, as though I were trapped inside a block of ice deep in the ocean. Ten years had brought us together under one roof. I had closed all my doors around him. Not once had I looked into the mirror to discover myself. I had accepted standing behind him. His success had become my success.

The first time I saw him, I felt drawn to him. I saw a handsome, elegant, ambitious, financially comfortable man. He worked in tourism and was studying for a doctorate in economics. He came with one of my father’s friends because he was looking for a beautiful, educated bride from a good family.

Our marriage had been a dream that never became complete. I took him as a lover, and he took me as a ladder. Small disagreements began until our sky became covered with dark clouds, the accumulation of years.

“Amer, I feel that something is wrong with you?”

“Don’t you know the reason! Haven’t I asked you several times to remain silent when we meet my friends?”

“Yes, you did, but I couldn’t! Everyone was talking. I wanted to contribute my opinion to the conversation, and everyone praised it.”

“They were only complimenting you because you are my wife... I have had enough... Tomorrow I am travelling to Moscow alone. I will be meeting important figures there, and I will not tolerate any mistakes during those meetings... I may be away for a long time. I don’t know for how long.”

“Amer! What are you trying to say? Am I no longer good enough for you after your new position? Say it clearly.”

“I need to sleep now... I have a difficult day ahead.”

He slept and left insomnia to tear me apart. Was this the end? And if it was, what would become of me after I had isolated myself from the entire world to please him? Would they reject me if I approached them now?... I had to try... I would wake before him, beg him and swear that I would not utter a word.

“Mrs. Maha... congratulations! The doctor has approved your discharge tomorrow after his morning rounds. Please contact one of your relatives to help you, because you must have complete rest for another week.”

“Leave! Don’t worry about me. There is no one left for me. I dropped them all into the abyss. I will go home alone and take good care of myself, just as I became so good at taking care of others.”

The wheel of time began to accelerate while the hands of the clock on her wall seemed to slow. She became certain that he had left forever. Depression dominated the scene, along with desperate attempts to escape its circle.

As the money she had dwindled and her balance was nearly exhausted, Maha went looking for work for the first time in her life. She had passed forty only a few months earlier. She encountered many faces and tried to climb out of the abyss. She did not find work worthy of her. She found only what suited someone who had neglected her own rights.

She worked as a secretary in the factory of Ibrahim Bey, who took advantage of her need for employment by making her perform the duties of a cleaner and serve refreshments to guests and employees, despite her higher education and culture. She could neither refuse nor object.

As usual, she worked in silence. Despite the psychological and physical pain, she devoted herself to her work and carried many burdens on her shoulders willingly, until she learned every small and large detail. She met many kinds of people, the good and the malicious.

Different shades of humanity changed her closed view of life, and she managed to earn everyone’s affection through the maternal instinct that dominated her feelings and reactions.

Ammar returned looking for her after failing to find someone who would give him her life and heart. He tried to pull her to his chest, but she rejected him from deep within herself. He had become a stranger to her.

Months passed. Maha became ill and was unable to work. Her illness kept her home for several days. Ibrahim Bey noticed the disruption caused by her absence and realized how important her presence had become. He feared that the difficulty of the job might cause her to leave.

When she returned a few days later, she found a comfortable chair waiting for her in a place worthy of her pure heart. She was relieved of the cleaning and refreshment duties and promoted to office manager for Ibrahim Bey.

For the first time, Maha felt successful. At last, a ray of sunlight pierced through the clouds. She worked hard until the clouds dispersed, and she saw her dreams as stars shining in a clear sky.

Little by little, she discovered her abilities and became certain that his friends had not merely been flattering her. She felt her feet become steady. A smile finally found its way to her lips.

Amer stepped out of her path for good when he saw a new sparkle in her eyes. He realized that she was no longer the steps of the ladder he could climb, now that she had learned to climb alone to the top.