Norzurita Binti Abu Hassan: In Canada, I Learned to Ask Before I Assume

Interview by Tahani Elghazaly

Sometimes the most important lessons of living abroad are not about language, weather or learning how to adapt. They are about learning how to see other people.

For Norzurita Binti Abu Hassan, wife of the Chargé d’Affaires at the Embassy of Malaysia in Canada, one of the most meaningful lessons of her experience here can be expressed in a few simple words: ask before you assume.

Living among people from different cultures, religions and backgrounds has shown her that knowing people from a distance is very different from knowing them personally. Cultures she once encountered mainly through books or the news are now represented by people she calls friends. With every encounter, assumptions have given way to curiosity and conversation.

Something else happened along the way. As Canadians asked her about Malaysia, Norzurita found herself returning to her own country with a more attentive eye — to its languages, food, diversity and everyday details she had lived with for years without necessarily stopping to consider what they meant.

In this edition of Beyond Protocol, Norzurita speaks not only about moving from Malaysia to Canada, but about something deeper: how living among people who are different from us can change the way we understand others — and the way we see ourselves.

You said diplomatic life taught you to approach people with questions rather than assumptions. What changed that perspective for you?

Before this experience, there were cultures I knew only through books or the news. Today, I know some of them through friends.

That makes a big difference.

When you know someone personally, many things begin to change. You ask about their traditions, their family, or a celebration you may never have heard of before. You may share a meal in their home, and suddenly your understanding is no longer built only on a distant image.

Diplomatic life has taught me to be more curious and to ask a question before forming an assumption.

Diplomacy is, of course, about representing your country, but on a human level it is also a real opportunity to know people as they are.

Can you remember a simple moment when that curiosity genuinely created a bridge between two people who did not know each other?

I remember attending a National Day reception and beginning a conversation with another guest.

We did not know each other, but somehow the conversation turned to our experiences of moving to Canada, and we suddenly realised how many similar things we had been through.

Moving to a new country means beginning parts of your life again and giving yourself time before a place starts to feel familiar.

It was not a dramatic or extraordinary moment. It was simply two people talking.

Perhaps that is exactly why it stayed with me.

Real connection does not always happen during the formal part of an event. Sometimes it happens afterwards, when two people genuinely stop to listen to each other and discover common ground they did not know was there.

You came from Malaysia, where diversity is part of everyday life. Has Canada added something new to the way you understand multiculturalism?

Yes. Perhaps the most important thing I have realised is that multiculturalism does not have only one form.

In Malaysia, we grow up seeing diversity very visibly around us. We hear different languages and live among traditions, religions and foods that come from different communities but have become a natural part of everyday life.

I experienced that every day, so naturally that I rarely stopped to think about it.

My experience in Canada allowed me to discover diversity in another way. I began to know it through people themselves — through friendships, through the stories I heard, and through cultures I once knew very little about but now encounter through people who have become close to me.

It helped me understand that diversity is not only about what we see around us. It is also about what happens when we get closer to people and give ourselves a genuine chance to know them.

And what I find beautiful is that the experience did not only change how I saw Canada. It also made me look back at Malaysia with greater attention.

How can living away from home make you notice things about your own country that you did not see while you were there?

That is exactly what happened to me.

I discovered how many things I had always considered completely ordinary until I found myself explaining them to someone who had never lived in Malaysia.

For example, I found myself explaining why Malaysians may switch languages in the middle of a sentence, or why we add “lah” at the end of something we say — and that, for us, this is completely normal.

Then there is food.

We have nasi lemak, roti canai, teh tarik and char kuey teow. These foods reflect influences from different communities, yet Malaysians see all of them as part of our shared culture.

I had never thought of these details as things that needed explaining.

But when you try to introduce your country to someone who does not know it, you begin to see it differently yourself.

That has been one of the most beautiful things about living away from Malaysia: being able to return to it, even in my mind, and notice things I had passed by every day without stopping to think about them.

You said something striking: “Food opens the door, but conversation takes you inside.” What lies behind that idea?

Food and festivals are among the easiest and most enjoyable ways to begin discovering another culture.

But the problem is that we can easily stop there.

We may taste a dish or attend a celebration and think we have understood the culture. For me, real understanding begins when we ask: Why?

Why is this food eaten during Hari Raya? Why does this celebration matter to this family? What is the story behind a tradition that may look simple from the outside?

When you ask someone why, they will often give you a story.

And that story is what truly brings you closer to the person.

That is why I say:

“Food opens the door, but conversation takes you inside.”

From the outside, women in the diplomatic community may seem to come from completely different worlds. What happens when titles disappear and everyday life begins?

We discover that we are closer than we might appear.

We may come from very different countries, religions and cultures, but many of us live through the same experience: moving to a new country, helping our families settle in, finding a school or a doctor, and then trying to build friendships again from the beginning.

Those everyday experiences create common ground very quickly.

Then we begin sharing food, stories and experiences, and discover how many values we have in common — family, kindness and a sense of community.

Perhaps that is one of the things I appreciate most about this life: it gives you the chance to know the person behind the country, the title or the image you may once have carried about them.

And what about Canada itself? When did you begin to feel you knew the country beyond official events and what a visitor normally sees?

I think it happened gradually.

I began asking people I met about the places they loved themselves: Where do you go on weekends? What places would you recommend? What should I see if I want to experience life here beyond the usual tourist attractions?

Those questions took me to small towns around Ontario and allowed me to experience a more local side of life beyond Ottawa.

Even winter was a discovery for me.

Coming from Malaysia, there were things I had never experienced in quite the same way — from choosing what to wear in the cold to learning how people live through a long and demanding winter while still making it part of their social life and activities.

I enjoyed Winterlude, and I enjoyed seeing people gather around winter rather than treating it only as something they were waiting to end.

Over time, places became less unfamiliar, and I began to have memories that belonged to me, rather than simply places I had visited.

That is how Canada gradually changed, for me, from a country I came to because of a diplomatic posting into a place where I had built experiences, memories and a life.

Just as you were curious about Canada, did you feel that curiosity was also coming in the other direction?

Yes, and I appreciated that.

Just as I asked about Canada and life here, people I met also asked me about Malaysia.

They wanted to know about the food, the culture, traditions and everyday life.

I think the most beautiful thing about this kind of connection is that it does not move in only one direction.

I am not simply learning about the country where I live. I am also carrying something from my own country and sharing it with others.

Real understanding is not about one side constantly explaining itself. It is about both sides being willing to listen.

If someone meets you knowing Malaysia only through its familiar tourist image, what would you hope they understand about your country through you?

I hope they see Malaysia as more than beaches and good food — although we have plenty of both!

For me, what makes Malaysia special is its people.

We have Malays, Chinese, Indians and the many Indigenous communities of Sarawak, Sabah and the Peninsula, and all of them are Malaysian.

Our cultures are woven together, and that is part of the nature and identity of the country.

We have a saying:

“Di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung.”

It means that wherever you live, you respect the customs and ways of that place.

I try to live by that idea in Canada: to respect and learn from the place where I am living, while also sharing something of Malaysia with others.

If someone leaves a conversation with me more curious to know my country, that makes me happy.

You spoke about the four seasons as though they became more than weather and part of your personal experience. What did they teach you?

It was a completely new experience for me.

In Malaysia, we do not experience winter in the same way, so seeing snow, feeling that kind of cold and then watching nature change from one season to another was very special.

But over time, I began to feel that it was about more than weather.

Each season made me notice something different.

Walking through the snow in winter, watching everything come back to life in spring, enjoying the long summer days, and then seeing the colours of autumn.

Those changes made me slow down a little.

They made me look around more and appreciate small things that we can easily pass by without noticing.

Perhaps that is why the four seasons will always be one of the strongest things I associate with my experience in Canada.

And when the day comes to leave, what will you take from Canada back to Malaysia?

I will not remember Canada only through the places I visited.

I will remember the people I met, the conversations we had and the memories I created here.

And I will certainly remember experiencing all four seasons in this way for the first time.

But I also think I will return to Malaysia seeing my own country differently.

Living away from home has made some of its details clearer to me, while Canada has also become part of my own experience and memory.

I will always carry a little piece of Canada with me — the memories, the people I met and especially the beauty of experiencing the four seasons for the first time in my life.