A Lit Cigar

By Omaima Abdelaziz

His breathing quickened as the time of their meeting drew near. He had no idea what to say. He had admired her on social media, and they had agreed to meet. He parked his luxury car and arrived at the café early.

He looked carefully at every girl who walked in. He had seen only one photo of her: a beautiful girl, bold in her opinions, delicate in her feelings. At least, that was how he imagined her.

He tried to calm down. He lit a cigar. Smoke drifted around him and painted a lovely picture of their meeting. He could almost hear Beethoven’s Ode to Joy. He did not know why his heart was beating like this. Was it nerves, or...?

The minutes dragged like an age. The door was pushed open forcefully, and everyone turned to look. A girl wearing clashing colors walked in, gum swinging in her mouth, looking right and left, then in a loud voice: “Gamal Yassin... where are you?”

The blood almost froze in his veins. He stood and raised his hand silently. Everyone looked at him with disgust, and murmurs rose around him. She did not care, as if she had done nothing at all. She hurried to his table and sat down, while the conversation between her tongue and the gum was still going strong.

She smiled, trying to look gentle, but the green gum appeared instead. She straightened in her seat as though nothing had happened and began talking about how much she admired his posts, his swimsuit photo, and how happy she was to meet him.

He felt that something was wrong. He kept silent, pulled out a cigar, and lit it. She stopped talking and stared at the cigar as if it were some alien creature. Then her face changed and she pointed at it in surprise. “You smoke cigars?! And what was wrong with Cleopatra cigarettes? Have you lost your mind?”

Her words were shocking. Surprise silenced him, especially because she had a voice that could fill the whole place. He felt like a piece of tobacco burning in embarrassment under everyone’s astonished looks.

Without waiting for an answer, she went on: “After marriage, forget cigarettes completely. Our children deserve that money more. Of course there’ll be delivery costs, nursery, schools, lessons, doctors... right?”

What was this? Had he fallen into a comedy series, or was this a nightmare? He tried to gather his thoughts, his only concern now being how to get out of this nightmare. “Ms. Amal, what children? And what Cleopatra? I asked to meet you so we could get to know each other. I didn’t go ask your family for your hand. And anyway, whether I smoke a cigar or not is none of your business.”

Amal jumped as if a snake had bitten her, her eyes flaring like the cigar itself. “So what you mean is that you came here just to fool around? And here I was thinking you were a decent man. Turns out you smoke cigars and don’t care about the china cabinet or the upholstery.”

“No... listen. The upholstery is on the bride. And that china cabinet where they preserve cups and saucers has become old-fashioned.”

“So it has come to this? I started feeling suspicious the moment you asked me to meet in this fancy place. I said this man is not living the life of his people.”

“So that’s how it is. Enough now, be quiet. I’m the one at fault, madam. I’ll kiss your head.”

“Don’t you dare put your hand on me. And now you want to kiss me too? People, be my witnesses. Shall I call the morality police right now?”

“I’m sorry, madam... peace be upon you!”

Gamal rushed outside. He reached his car, swearing never to enter that café again, and to shut down all social media once and for all. What had happened was more than enough.

Amal rushed out after him. She saw him getting into his luxury car and could not believe her eyes. She hurried toward him, smiling and apologizing for what she had said. “I didn’t know my mother’s prayers were working for me. Don’t be upset... smoke cigars all you want. Forget Cleopatra, forget Marlboro.”

Gamal put out the cigar, looked at her, and said, “You’re divorced,” then drove away quickly.

Amal had not expected that reaction. She walked to the nearest tuk-tuk stop, took out a new piece of gum after spitting the old one onto the ground, and went back to arguing with her gum while writing a post about betrayal to publish on her page.