Beyond Protocol | Mariam Rahmania Syihab: “Home Is a Feeling We Carry With Us”

Interview by Tahani Elghazaly

Diplomatic life is often seen from the outside through receptions, official events and meetings between representatives of nations. Alongside that public world, however, is a quieter human reality: families adapting to new countries, homes being rebuilt, friendships forming across cultures, and individuals working to preserve their own identity and interests through constant change.

That human dimension is at the heart of Beyond Protocol, a Tawasul News series beginning with Mariam Rahmania Syihab, spouse of the Ambassador of the Republic of Indonesia to Canada, who reflects on life in Canada, belonging, family, personal identity and the relationships that can quietly bring cultures closer together.

Looking back at your first months in Canada and comparing them with your life today, what has changed the most for you personally?

The greatest change for me has been the deep sense of connection and belonging we now feel.

At first, our focus was simply on adapting to a new environment and way of life. Today, Canada has truly become a warm second home.

One of the most rewarding changes has been seeing cultural differences turn into strong bridges of friendship. I consider it a privilege to contribute, in my own way, to strengthening people-to-people ties between Indonesia and Canada.

People often see a diplomat’s spouse at receptions and cultural events. What is the most challenging part of this life that people rarely see?

Perhaps the most challenging part is constantly starting over.

Behind the public role is an ongoing process of adapting quickly to unfamiliar cultures, languages and daily rhythms.

Being a diplomatic spouse often means stepping outside your comfort zone and creating a sense of home in a new country within a short period of time.

There is also the responsibility of helping maintain emotional stability within the household, making sure every member of the family feels supported and anchored through those transitions.

It is a quiet process of adaptation that people may not always see, but it is an important part of diplomatic life.

Every diplomatic posting means rebuilding a life. How do you create a sense of home in a place you know you will eventually leave?

For me, home is not simply a fixed physical space. It is a feeling we carry with us.

I bring the warmth of Indonesian hospitality and our family traditions into every new home.

Sometimes it is the aroma of traditional cooking in the kitchen, Indonesian heritage crafts displayed around the house, or the familiar scents of flowers and spices. Those details create an immediate sense of comfort.

At the same time, we embrace the local community with an open heart.

By bringing together Canadian culture and our Indonesian roots, we can create a temporary home that still feels deeply meaningful and cherish it before the time comes to say goodbye.

How do you maintain your own identity, interests and ambitions while diplomatic responsibilities shape so much of family life?

I see this diplomatic journey as a partnership and an opportunity for personal growth, not a life lived in someone else’s shadow.

I fully support my husband’s mission, but I also see this experience as a chance to channel my own interests and skills into meaningful causes through community engagement, lifelong learning and mentoring.

In Canada, I have had many opportunities to do that.

Last year, I served as Secretary of the Head of Mission Spouses Association (HOMSA), which broadened my social circle and allowed me to continue developing my organizational skills.

My involvement with the Diplomatic Hospitality Group (DHG) and the International Club of Ottawa (ICO) has also opened opportunities to connect, exchange ideas and collaborate with people from many different backgrounds.

I also serve as chairperson of Dharma Wanita Persatuan, the Indonesian women’s organization in Ottawa, where my focus is on capacity building, personal development and strengthening solidarity among our members.

I believe that continuing to pursue my own interests and ambitions allows me to bring stronger energy both to my family and to the role I share alongside my husband.

Do you believe diplomatic spouses practise a form of diplomacy themselves?

Absolutely. I believe the role diplomatic spouses play can be an important part of public and soft-power diplomacy.

While diplomats work within formal state relations and policy, spouses often operate in spaces where everyday human relationships are built through friendships, community engagement and cultural exchange.

Trust can begin with a warm conversation at a charity event, sharing a traditional dish or collaborating on a community project.

Those human connections can soften boundaries and foster understanding between societies, complementing official diplomacy in a deeply personal way.

Has living in Canada changed the way you see your Indonesian identity?

Living in Canada has deepened my appreciation of my Indonesian identity.

Canada is known for its multicultural character, where different backgrounds form part of the broader fabric of society. Experiencing that openness has given me an even deeper appreciation of Indonesia’s national motto, Bhinneka Tunggal Ika, “Unity in Diversity.”

Seeing respect for difference here has also reminded me of the richness of Indonesia’s own cultural pluralism.

It has strengthened my pride in our heritage and made me more conscious of the values we carry: warmth, community spirit and resilience.

Living in Canada has not changed who I am. It has made my perspective on my own identity clearer.

What role has the Indonesian community in Canada played in helping you feel connected and grounded?

The Indonesian community here has become our extended family away from home.

Whether we gather for national celebrations, cultural events or simply informal get-togethers, there is an immediate sense of familiarity and warmth.

I also feel great pride when I see members of the community preserving Indonesian culture while succeeding and contributing to their local communities in Canada.

They remind us of who we are and make our journey here feel shared and meaningful.

Diplomatic life appears highly social, yet it also means repeatedly saying goodbye. Is that an overlooked part of this lifestyle?

Absolutely. Saying goodbye is one of the most poignant realities of this life.

People see receptions and social occasions, but they rarely see the quiet moments of packing up a home and leaving behind friendships that have become deeply meaningful.

Yet there is also something beautiful about the diplomatic community. In every posting, we may find a new family, and our paths often cross again with old friends in places we never expected.

Canada has been a wonderful example of that for us.

So, although we say goodbye often, I feel that our world does not become smaller. It expands, gradually creating an extended family across many countries.

When people hear the title “ambassador’s wife,” what do you wish they understood about the woman who carries it?

I hope people understand that behind the title is a woman with an independent mind, passions and an identity of her own, who also makes a conscious choice to take part in serving her country.

The woman carrying the title is multidimensional. She may be a mother, a partner and a professional, contributing to diplomacy through human connection.

Our visibility at receptions represents only a small part of who we are.

Behind that are family responsibilities, community building and the continuing effort to turn a transient life into something purposeful and meaningful.

What advice would you give a woman preparing for her first diplomatic posting with her spouse?

Embrace the journey with an open heart, but never lose sight of your own identity.

It is easy to become overwhelmed by protocol and public expectations, but remember that you are an equal partner and that every new posting can become a space for learning and personal development.

Build genuine relationships within the diplomatic community and beyond it. Find a purpose that connects with your own passions. Nurture the warmth of your home and keep communication within your family strong.

Most importantly, trust your resilience and remember that what you bring to this role begins with who you uniquely are.